Candice Payne

I’ve got stupider things to do than post here. I’m going to go crimp my hair! Hurray! Evidence shall be available later. I will not be satisfied until I have a mane.

It is strange to examine the evidence of my past, and to discover happiness trying its damndest to sneak up behind me and bite me on the ass. Well, happiness, you’re not very sneaky, are ya. ‘Cause I caught you every time, and sent you packing. I have a curious feeling that nothing has changed. [...]

Know what I don’t miss? (Well, not that I can anymore.) PMS. I switched off of NuvaRing because of, er… female issues… (Sucks, because other than those issues it was much less of a pain in the ass than anything else I’ve tried.) Right now I’m using other methods, and whhheeeee… I forgot allllll about [...]

This is the story of how alcohol is responsible for the entire last fiveish years of my life. I first met Sean on the interweb, because we’re just cool like that. He lived in La Porte, Indiana and I lived in Toronto, Ontario. Obviously a little hard to arrange dates for Friday and Saturday nights [...]

Wow! Doing taxes is so much fun! Mhm. And I’m so glad that Sean keeps such impeccable records for Cyanotic. I think I give up for this weekend. Gotta save some of this for later, because I just love it so so much! On the bright side, I only have to file taxes in one [...]

I will rationalize my propensity to rationalize. And if I fail to deceive myself, I’ll rationalize the residual malaise away, too. This can continue indefinitely. Everything is alright.

La lutte elle-même vers les sommets suffit à remplir un coeur d’homme; il faut imaginer Sisyphe heureux. I wish I could buy what you’re selling, Camus. I’m giving myself a headache.

Or it would be, if only Sean paid any attention to anything I post online. Next chance I get, the Beetlejuice ringtone on our phone is so being replaced by “Yakety Sax”. No one knows the joy that it brings to me. Maybe I’m just slightly tipsy. Imma gonna get offa the Internets, now. Imagine [...]

Peoples Energy, I shake my fist at you. $16.24 activation charge? For what? To change the information on the already existing, already working account? Don’t you think that if you are going to charge $16.24 for this service that you should make some effort to at least get that information right? Who is Dean Payne? [...]

It finally came to me. The terrible, dreadful, awful, evil, nagging feeling I’ve been experiencing for at least the last year is impatience of a particularly anxiously irritating variety. If only this knowledge helped me in any way, whatsoever. And as far as I know, it will last indefinitely, because I haven’t a clue what [...]