Candice Payne

My husband and I share the same toothbrush. We’ve actually each got our own (in fact, I think we each have two sitting next to the sink), but we’re both pretty bad about keeping the colours straight, and we don’t care. I don’t think we even try anymore. So, I guess we’re both going to [...]

Look. I think it’s perfectly legitimate, if you’re resurrected, to adopt a new (re)birthday on the date you became one of the undead. But if you’re going to do so, as far as I’m concerned, you forfeit your original birthday. So what’ll it be, Jesus? Christmas, or Easter? You can’t have both. I know you’re [...]

If you’re going to call the flavour of your juice “orange tangerine”, the main ingredient shouldn’t be apple juice. It’s a good thing I happen to like apple juice, and that I knew what I was in for (reading labels is good for you), because otherwise this entry wouldn’t be so short, and I’d be [...]

How to Make Money With Your Blog. Blah. SEO. Blah. Monetization. Blah. Boring. Lame. Gay. Gay gay gay gay super gay. Here’s the only tip that matters: have a blog that doesn’t suck. Then make money as an afterthought. Preferably by supplementing your excellent content with more excellent content, in a form that people might [...]

Fashion Pony, originally uploaded by www.DaveWard.net. Dude tried to centre the buckle over his fly, which is wrong to begin with. And then he missed. I will laugh at you if you do this, because it makes you look like an asshat. It puts your entire outfit off-kilter, even if someone doesn’t necessarily notice exactly [...]

Look, geniuses. The words “tips” was not originally an acronym for “To Insure Prompt Service”. For one thing, it would have to have been TEPS, because the proper word is ensure, not insure. For another thing, you’re not going to ensure prompt service by giving someone a tip as you’re leaving. See how that doesn’t [...]

Our DVR destructed a couple of days ago, so we had a tech come down with a replacement this morning. Everything was working fine while he was here. The menu loaded, the program guide loaded, the channels were working, and the On Demand intro ran just fine. A little bit after the cable guy left, [...]

The number of social bookmarking, sharing, and networking websites is clearly out of control. Look at this image, captured from the bottom of a page on OkCupid. It looks like Web 2.0 got drunk and threw up on my screen. This needs to stop. Somehow.

$370 to replace a lost green card! I thought $290 was excessive, but I hadn’t noticed the additional $80 biometrics fee. What the fuckity fuck? That’s it… The USCIS is now officially at the top of my Asshole Organizations I Have to Deal With shit list, which is as follows: USCIS NSLSC/OSAP UPS Comcast Microsoft [...]

Comcast! Must! Die! Cable went out today. After checking all the connections in our apartment pointlessly (because this shit is never our fault), I concluded that it must have been some Comcast-related asshattery. It wasn’t that we hadn’t paid them (for once), so I walked over to the laundry room, where the incoming line to [...]